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Professional Reader  John and I are blessed to be part of NetGalley as a means to expanding our reading and sharing our thoughts on newly published books, from Catholic apologetics and inspiration to Christian fiction of various genres.

 

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Please help us get a new van.

In 2008, I got my first motorized wheelchair, and we were blessed with an opportunity to buy a twice used 2000 Chevrolet Express 3500 wheelchair van, which was first a prison van and then a medical taxi (I call it our “Paddy Wagon,” since the expression came from stereotypical Irish cops collecting groups of stereotypical Irish drunks in police vans).
20170705_130533
The van has served us well for almost 9 years as our primary vehicle.  “We’ve” had to put some money into it to keep it going, but when it all adds up, it was less than we’d have paid even for a regular van in payments, much less for a handicapped van that can fit our family.

Me and kids at Roper

Me and my kids in 2013, after my aortic graft surgery

Our economic situation simple: we make a little less than enough to get by in modern America.  Unless I should obtain the time and inspiration to write a best-selling book, we strike the lottery or get a really good  investment, we’ll never make much more than we do now.
So when a major expense arises, we need help.
Every few months, something malfunctions in the van.
We had to purchase a second vehicle, using up the small amount of room we had in our budget to add another monthly payment, so we only have to use the van when we need the power chair and so we have a backup when it fails.  The very day we went to pick up the “new” car, the lift stopped working.  When my abdominal aneurysm ruptures or requires surgery, if I survive, I will most likely lose my ability to walk completely.  In the meantime, I need to be able to keep strain off my aorta to delay that surgery as long as possible.
It won’t be long before our eldest daughter has to use a scooter or power chair–technically she already should because she subluxes her ankles every time she walks very far, but we can’t get insurance to pay for one.
As communities, Muslims, Mormons and Evangelicals seem to be very good at rallying around their members.  We Catholics, as a community, need to show the same generosity with ourselves as we do with strangers, to provide the “safety net” that keeps people from falling completely into destitution.  On an individual basis, we have many wonderful Catholic friends who have helped us more than we can ever thank them for.  We know someone out there can afford to help us.
We’re hoping to get a used, 2015 or 2016 Ford Transit Wagon XLT 350, medium height, for around $25,000.  I figure we can modify it ourselves for around $3000-5000.
So accounting for fundraising fees, taxes, etc., we’re trying to raise about $30,000-35000 just for that, though if a generous benefactor wants to help with about $80000 in other expenses we expect to face in the near future, we’d be very grateful.  If someone out there reading this happens to own a car dealership or know a car dealer (I recently heard a rumor that a major Catholic donor in our state owns a dealership), I’m going to be bold and ask if, in the name of Our Lord, you could please donate a van directly?
Please share this post. Please share the link to our fundraiser.  Most of all, please pray that God opens people’s hearts to share, and that He profoundly blesses all those who have helped us.

Please click here to donate.

Deacon Dana’s tribute to John, the author of The Lewis Crusade

https://beingisgood.blogspot.com/2018/10/john-hathaway-our-newest-saint.html

Deacon Dana’s beautiful post on the passing of John’s mother, Nancy

https://beingisgood.blogspot.com/2018/11/nancy-hathaway-our-dear-friend-rest-in.html

Forgiveness

crucifix

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I’m John’s wife.  I wrote this the day of his death, October 11, 2018.

“If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions.”

Many of you are asking what you can do for us. One thing I know John C. Hathaway wants us all to do is forgive, from the bottom of our hearts. He had an intense dark night of the soul, but he was graced with healing and light by Jesus in the weeks before he died (1am on 10/11/18). So, please, know that John and I and the children ask forgiveness for trespasses committed, extend forgiveness, and encourage everyone to repent and extend forgiveness as Jesus adjourned us all to do in the Our Father/Lord’s Prayer. His 3 months in the ICU (after descending aorta replacement surgery) in 2013 were fraught with disturbing images. He saw hell, and God told him he needed to extend mercy to receive mercy. We have been deeply hurt by many people, often being misunderstood, rejected, and abandoned as we struggle in a world that is hugely cruel to the weak. Yes, even amongst our own brothers and sisters in Christ. It makes for a lot of bitterness, I must confess.

As a kid, I never understood why “Mary,” the name of Jesus’s Mother, would mean bitter. It was only in the past several months that I realized there are two types of bitterness. There is a bitterness that causes the drying up of one’s soul from holding grudges, losing hope, giving up, shoving people away. Conversely, there is also the meaning of bitters as a medicine or herb. The type of bitterness that we can allow by God’s grace to bring healing, slowly, yes painfully, but very surely to our souls of all wrong. I read that bitters are a part of the Seder meal, which got me to thinking of the Last Supper and the Wedding Feast of the Lamb. Catholics have a devotion to Our Lady as the Mother of Sorrows. As I lay in bed last night, desperately missing his warm presence next to mine, it dawned on me that Mary is also a Widow. As a Catholic, I believe in Mary’s perpetual virginity but for the first time, it dawned on me how much she would have ached for her husband’s chaste presence, who guarded them through so much in the temporal life. John, I love and miss you so. Your name means God is gracious and Manly, and that you are.

 

Unfinished post but thought I’d post it anyway :)

Note from John’s wife, Mary:  He drafted this on October 9, and since I think it has enough substance as is, I thought I’d post it.

 

As I’ve said many times, I’ve never been comfortable with people saying, “I’m neither a conservative nor a liberal; just a Catholic.”

I can see saying that about being “Republican” or “Democrat,” “Right wing” or “Left wing,” or if one’s definitions of “conservative” and “liberal” are relative to culture and situation.

However, as approaches to human nature, the nature of government, the nature of culture, and the nature of law, that’s a different matter. First, the statement implies there is no room for prudential judgement in Catholic Social Teaching, or in interpretation of the Church’s teachings.  There are four Gospels.  There are many Fathers and many Doctors.  There are many spiritual traditions in the Church.  There are 6 liturgical traditions, 24 autocephalic/sui iuris particular churches (not the ones outside full communion), etc.

Russell Kirk defines conservatism as an approach to human nature; government, law and culture that focuses on original sin; strict interpretation of law; preservation of tradition and common norms in culture; the principle main purposes of government as promoting order in society and promoting natural law; and Aristotelian limits on government to prevent corruption.

Conversely, a liberal approach focuses on Christ’s restoration of original innocence; loose interpretation of law; and allowing cultural adaptation.  Those two approaches should be as balanced as possible in a healthy society, a healthy Church and even a healthy individual.

In theory, at least, it is possible to be a “liberal Catholic,” someone who focuses on the restoration of Original Innocence, loose interpretation of the law and cultural flexibility, yet remain orthodox. Though in the usual sense, it is impossible, as Kirk and von Hildebrand both argued, for a Catholic to be “progressive,” since that implies the past was bad and it is possible to make things better by human effort, one could even support the kind of “progressivism” described by Chesterton and Lewis.  Lewis distinguished between “change for its own sake” and “progressivism” as the quest for a goal, which requires a map.

Where things get sticky, though, is the issue of government itself. We argue about subsidiarity and solidarity, but missing in most debates over Catholic Social Teaching and in most recent documents on the subject is a healthy dose of Lord Acton: “power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”  If we properly understand subsidiarity–that the family is the primordial social structure, the original social unit intended by God “from the beginning,” and that society should be structured around the family unit–then there is no real conflict between subsidiarity and solidarity.  Government comes to be seen as an institution which exists to protect the family from threats, whether physical, moral, physiological, psychological, spiritual or economic–threats that should include government itself.

The problem, though, is the problem that Clement XII foresaw back in 1738, that Pius IX condemned in the Syllabus, and that Benedict XVI revisited in Caritas et Veritate: ultimately, there can be neither Truth nor Charity in government without Jesus Christ and without explicit governance by Natural Law principles.  “Separation of Church and State” is incompatible with a truly just polity.  While the Natural Law should not require a specific religious system to be explained or enforced, and while the individual must have a certain freedom of choice regarding matters of religion to develop a full relationship with Christ, and while, as history has shown, the State must sometimes hold the Church in check, ultimately, the State itself cannot be free from the voice of the Church to explain and enforce the principles of Natural Law.

In that sense, then, it is not a question of one can be a “conservative Catholic” or a “liberal Catholic,” but rather can one be an “American” and a “Catholic”?

In American politics, there is a conflict between Catholics who want to focus on Constitutional limitation and on Natural Law in favor of de Tocqueville’s understanding of freedom, who themselves would have been considered “liberal” 200 years ago, and those who have embraced a loose interpretation approach to the point of rejecting even a Natural Law standard, much less a traditional understanding of the relationship between Church and State.  In that sense, the terms *are* relative.  As a Facebook friend of mine once said, it’s rather pathetic that we’ve reached a point where we call a priest or bishop “conservative” or “orthodox” if he just promotes the most basic tenets of Natural Law that should be obvious to anyone who believes in God.

There also seem to be three senses at which the terms are used:  1) “How, as a Catholic, do I understand the role of secular government/secular order?”  2) “How, as a Catholic, do I apply my faith in the secular order?” (these are similar but slightly different questions which may have a “conservative” or “liberal” approach) and 3) “How, as a Catholic, do I interpret the Church’s teachings?”

Symbols mean things

I’m a big supporter for formalism/”New Criticism.”  I always forget who said which, but often, when writers are asked what things in their books “mean,” they say things like, “I wrote a poem, not a puzzle,” (pretty sure that’s TS Eliot) or “If I wanted to write an essay, I’d write an essay.  I wrote a story” (Flannery O’Connor, paraphrased).
I

John’s Funeral Plans and Holy Hour

My husband, John, passed away on October 11, 2018.  This blog was his labor of love for God.  He long knew he would die an early death, and he made these funeral plans when he was facing major surgery in 2013.  Thanks to our local pastor, he will be able to have his full Requiem Mass he so long desired. However, I wanted to share what he had written and ask that if you read this, that you say at least some of the prayers he shared here.   Please pray for his soul and all of us he leaves in this vale of tears.  –Mary, his wife

Entrance antiphon and hymn:
Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine, et lux perpetua luceat eis, te decet hymnus, Deus, in Sion, et tibi reddetur votum in Ierusalem.  Exaudi orationem meam ad te omnes caro veniet

Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring

 

Collect (from the Carmelite Propers):
Lord, You are the glory of those who serve You.

Look lovingly on our departed brothers and sisters, especially John of the Little Way,

united in following Christ and his Mother,

by the waters of baptism and the bonds of Carmel.

In Your mercy,

grant them everlasting sight of You,

their Creator and Redeemer.
We ask this through Our Lord, Jesus Christ, Your Son, Who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, forever and ever. Amen.

 

First Reading: Sirach 18:7-12
Psalm 42:2,3,5

Second Reading: 2 Timothy 2:8-13

Gospel Acclamation: John 6:51-52

Gospel: John 19:17-18, 25-29

Offertory: Now We Remain
Communion: I Am the Bread of Life
Recessional: On Eagle’s Wings or In Paradisum or both

After Mass:

Saint Michael the Archangel,

defend us in battle.

Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.

May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;

and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host –

by the Divine Power of God –

cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,

who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.

Amen.

 

Reception–secular songs and readings?

 

HOLY HOUR

Leader: O God, come to my assistance

Response: O Lord, Make haste to help me

Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament

Hymns

 

O salutaris Hostia,

Quae caeli pandis ostium:

Bella premunt hostilia,

Da robur, fer auxilium.

Uni trinoque Domino

Sit sempiterna gloria,

Qui vitam sine termino

Nobis donet in patria.

Amen.

 

DIES irae, dies illa,

solvet saeculum in favilla,

teste David cum Sibylla.

THAT day of wrath, that dreadful day,

shall heaven and earth in ashes lay,

as David and the Sybil say.

Quantus tremor est futurus,

quando iudex est venturus,

cuncta stricte discussurus!

What horror must invade the mind

when the approaching Judge shall find

and sift the deeds of all mankind!

Tuba mirum spargens sonum

per sepulcra regionum,

coget omnes ante thronum.

The mighty trumpet’s wondrous tone

shall rend each tomb’s sepulchral stone

and summon all before the Throne.

Mors stupebit et natura,

cum resurget creatura,

iudicanti responsura.

Now death and nature with surprise

behold the trembling sinners rise

to meet the Judge’s searching eyes.

Liber scriptus proferetur,

in quo totum continetur,

unde mundus iudicetur.

Then shall with universal dread

the Book of Consciences be read

to judge the lives of all the dead.

Iudex ergo cum sedebit,

quidquid latet apparebit:

nil inultum remanebit.

For now before the Judge severe

all hidden things must plain appear;

no crime can pass unpunished here.

Quid sum miser tunc dicturus?

quem patronum rogaturus?

cum vix iustus sit securus.

O what shall I, so guilty plead?

and who for me will intercede?

when even Saints shall comfort need?

Rex tremendae maiestatis,

qui salvandos salvas gratis,

salva me, fons pietatis.

O King of dreadful majesty!

grace and mercy You grant free;

as Fount of Kindness, save me!

Recordare Iesu pie,

quod sum causa tuae viae:

ne me perdas illa die.

Recall, dear Jesus, for my sake

you did our suffering nature take

then do not now my soul forsake!

Quaerens me, sedisti lassus:

redemisti crucem passus:

tantus labor non sit cassus.

In weariness You sought for me,

and suffering upon the tree!

let not in vain such labor be.

Iuste iudex ultionis,

donum fac remissionis,

ante diem rationis.

O Judge of justice, hear, I pray,

for pity take my sins away

before the dreadful reckoning day.

Ingemisco, tamquam reus:

culpa rubet vultus meus:

supplicanti parce Deus.

You gracious face, O Lord, I seek;

deep shame and grief are on my cheek;

in sighs and tears my sorrows speak.

Qui Mariam absolvisti,

et latronem exaudisti,

mihi quoque spem dedisti.

You Who did Mary’s guilt unbind,

and mercy for the robber find,

have filled with hope my anxious mind.

Preces meae non sunt dignae:

sed tu bonus fac benigne,

ne perenni cremer igne.

How worthless are my prayers I know,

yet, Lord forbid that I should go

into the fires of endless woe.

Inter oves locum praesta,

et ab haedis me sequestra,

statuens in parte dextera.

Divorced from the accursed band,

o make me with Your sheep to stand,

as child of grace, at Your right Hand.

Confutatis maledictis,

flammis acribus addictis.

voca me cum benedictis.

When the doomed can no more flee

from the fires of misery

with the chosen call me.

Oro supplex et acclinis,

cor contritum quasi cinis:

gere curam mei finis.

Before You, humbled, Lord, I lie,

my heart like ashes, crushed and dry,

assist me when I die.

Lacrimosa dies illa,

qua resurget ex favilla.

iudicandus homo reus:

huic ergo parce Deus.

Full of tears and full of dread

is that day that wakes the dead,

calling all, with solemn blast

to be judged for all their past.

Pie Iesu Domine,

dona eis requiem. Amen.

Lord, have mercy, Jesus blest,

grant them all Your Light and Rest. Amen.

 

O God of spirits and of all flesh, Who hast trampled down death and overthrown the Devil, and given life to Thy world, do Thou, the same Lord, give rest to the souls of Thy departed servants in a place of brightness, a place of refreshment, a place of repose, where all sickness, sighing, and sorrow have fled away. Pardon every transgression which they have committed, whether by word or deed or thought. For Thou art a good God and lovest mankind; because there is no man who lives yet does not sin, for Thou only art without sin, Thy righteousness is to all eternity, and Thy word is truth.

For Thou are the Resurrection, the Life, and the Repose of Thy servants who have fallen asleep, O Christ our God, and unto Thee we ascribe glory, together with Thy Father, who is from everlasting, and Thine all-holy, good, and life-creating Spirit, now and ever unto ages of ages. Amen.


Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a Sinner (100 times)

 

The Holy Rosary of the Blessed Virgin Mary, Six Decade Carmelite Form, Glorious Mysteries
Apostle’s Creed
Our Father
For an increase in Faith: Hail Mary . . . .
For an increase in Hope: Hail Mary . . .

For an increase in Love: Hail Mary . . .

Glory to the Father, to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit . . .

First Glorious Mystery: the Resurrection:
Now when it was late that same day, the first of the week, and the doors were shut, where the disciples were gathered together, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in the midst, and said to them: Peace be to you. [20] And when he had said this, he shewed them his hands and his side. The disciples therefore were glad, when they saw the Lord.  Now when it was late that same day, the first of the week, and the doors were shut, where the disciples were gathered together, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in the midst, and said to them: Peace be to you. [20] And when he had said this, he shewed them his hands and his side. The disciples therefore were glad, when they saw the Lord. (Jn 20:19-23)

Our Father
10 Hail Mary’s

Glory be
O my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of hell, and lead all souls to Heaven, especially those who are most in need of Thy Mercy.  Jesus, it is for Your love, for the conversion of sinners, in reparation for the sins committed against the Immaculate Heart of Mary, and for the Holy Father.
Second Glorious Mystery: the Ascension
Now when it was late that same day, the first of the week, and the doors were shut, where the disciples were gathered together, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in the midst, and said to them: Peace be to you. [20] And when he had said this, he shewed them his hands and his side. The disciples therefore were glad, when they saw the Lord. (Matthew 28:16-20

Our Father
10 Hail Mary’s

Glory be
O my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of hell, and lead all souls to Heaven, especially those who are most in need of Thy Mercy.  Jesus, it is for Your love, for the conversion of sinners, in reparation for the sins committed against the Immaculate Heart of Mary, and for the Holy Father.
Third Glorious Mystery: Pentecost

[1] And when the days of the Pentecost were accomplished, they were all together in one place: [2] And suddenly there came a sound from heaven, as of a mighty wind coming, and it filled the whole house where they were sitting. [3] And there appeared to them parted tongues as it were of fire, and it sat upon every one of them:[4] And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and they began to speak with divers tongues, according as the Holy Ghost gave them to speak (Luke 2:1-4)

Our Father
10 Hail Mary’s

Glory be
O my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of hell, and lead all souls to Heaven, especially those who are most in need of Thy Mercy.  Jesus, it is for Your love, for the conversion of sinners, in reparation for the sins committed against the Immaculate Heart of Mary, and for the Holy Father.
Fourth Glorious Mystery: Assumption
Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.

2I say to the LORD, “You are my LORD.

My happiness lies in you alone.”

And so, my heart rejoices, my soul is glad;

even my flesh shall rest in hope.

10For you will not abandon my soul to hell,

nor let your holy one see corruption. Psalm 16 1-2,9-10

Our Father
10 Hail Mary’s

Glory be
O my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of hell, and lead all souls to Heaven, especially those who are most in need of Thy Mercy.  Jesus, it is for Your love, for the conversion of sinners, in reparation for the sins committed against the Immaculate Heart of Mary, and for the Holy Father.


Fifth Glorious Mystery: Coronation of Mary
And the temple of God was opened in heaven: and the ark of his testament was seen in his temple, and there were lightnings, and voices, and an earthquake, and great hail.  And a great sign appeared in heaven: A woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and on her head a crown of twelve stars:  (Revelation 11: 19-12:1)

Our Father
10 Hail Mary’s

Glory be
O my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of hell, and lead all souls to Heaven, especially those who are most in need of Thy Mercy.  Jesus, it is for Your love, for the conversion of sinners, in reparation for the sins committed against the Immaculate Heart of Mary, and for the Holy Father.
Sixth Glorious Mystery: Patronage of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel

“Whosoever dies

wearing this scapular

shall not suffer

eternal fire.”

Our Father
10 Hail Mary’s

Glory be
O my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of hell, and lead all souls to Heaven, especially those who are most in need of Thy Mercy.  Jesus, it is for Your love, for the conversion of sinners, in reparation for the sins committed against the Immaculate Heart of Mary, and for the Holy Father.

Hail, Holy Queen, mother of mercy, our life, our sweetness and our hope.  To thee do we cry, poor, banished children of Eve. To thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn then,  O most gracious advocate, thine eyes of mercy towards us, and after this our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus, O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary.
We fly to thy patronage, O Holy Mother of God.  Despise not our petitions in our necessities, but deliver us from all dangers O glorious and blessed Virgin
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.

Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

 

 

Ad Vesperas

At Vespers

Absolute incipitur: Is absolutely begun:
Ant: Placebo Domino. Ant: I will please.
Psalmus [114]:

Dilexi, quoniam exaudiet Dominus: vocem orationis meae.

Quia inclinavit aurem suam mihi: et in diebus meis invocabo.

Circumdederunt me dolores mortis: pericula inferni invenerunt me.

Tribulationem, et dolorem inveni: et nomen Domini invocavi.

O Domine, libera animam meam, misericors Dominus, et iustus: et Deus noster miseretur.

Custodiens parvulos Dominus: humiliatus sum, et liberavit me.

Convertere anima mea in requiem tuam: quia Dominus benefecit tibi.

Quia eripuit animam meam de morte: oculos meos a lacrymis, pedes meos a lapsu.

Placebo Domino: in regione vivorum.

Psalm [114]:

I have loved, because our Lord: will hear the voice of my prayer.

Because he hath inclined his ear to me: and in my days I will call upon him.

The sorrows of death have compassed me: and the pains of hell have found me.

I have found tribulation, and sorrow: and I called on the name of our Lord.

O Lord, deliver my soul, merciful Lord, and just: and our God hath mercy.

Our Lord keepeth little ones: I was humbled, and he hath delivered me.

Turn O my soul into thy rest: because our Lord hath done good to thee.

Because he hath delivered my soul from death: my eyes from tears, my feet from sliding.

I will please our Lord in the country of the living.

Requiem aeternam dona eis Domine: et lux perpetua luceat eis. Eternal rest give unto them O Lord: and let perpetual light shine unto them.
Ant: Placebo Domino in regione vivorum. Ant: I will please our Lord in the country of the living.
Ant: Heu mihi. Ant: Woe is me.
Psalmus [119]:

Ad Dominum cum tribularer, clamavi: et exaudivit me.

Domine libera animam meam a labiis iniquis: et a lingua dolosa.

Quid detur tibi, aut quid apponatur tibi: ad linguam dolosam?

Sagittae potentis acutae: cum carbonibus desolatoriis.

Heu mihi, quia incolatus meus prolongatus est, habitavi cum habitantibus Cedar: multum incola fuit anima mea.

Cum his, qui oderunt pacem, eram pacificus: cum loquebar illis, inpugnabant me gratis.

Psalm [119]:

When I was in tribulation I cried to our Lord: and he heard me.

O Lord Deliver my soul from unjust lips: and from a deceitful tongue.

What may be given to thee, or what may be added unto thee: to a deceitful tongue?

The sharp arrows of the mighty: with coals of desolation.

Woe is unto me, that my sojourning is prolonged, I have dwelt with the inhabitants of Cedar: my soul hath been much a sojourner.

With them, that hated peace, I was peaceable: when I spake to them, they impugned me without cause.

Requiem aeternam dona eis Domine: et lux perpetua luceat eis. Eternal rest give unto them O Lord: and let perpetual light shine unto them.
Ant: Heu mihi Domine, quia incolatus meus prolongatus est. Ant: Woe is me O Lord, that my abode is prolonged.
Ant: Dominus. Ant: Our Lord.
Psalmus [120]:

Levavi oculos meos in montes: unde veniet auxilium mihi.

Auxilium meum a Domino: qui fecit caelum et terram.

Non det in commotionem pedem tuum: neque dormitet, qui custodit te.

Ecce non dormitabit: neque dormiet, qui custodit Israel.

Dominus custodit te, Dominus protectio tua: super manum dexteram tuam.

Per diem sol non uret te: neque luna per noctem.

Dominus custodit te ab omni malo: custodiat animam tuam Dominus.

Dominus custodiat introitum tuum, et exitum tuum: ex hoc nunc, et usque in saeculum.

Psalm [120]:

I have lifted up mine eyes unto the mountains: from whence help shall come to me.

My help is from our Lord: which made heaven and earth.

Let him not give thy foot to be moved: neither let him slumber that keepeth thee.

Lo he shall not slumber: nor sleep, that keepeth Israel.

Our Lord keepeth thee, our Lord is thy protection: upon thy right hand.

By day the sun shall not burn thee: nor the moon by night.

Our Lord doth keep thee from all evil: let our Lord keep thy soul.

Let our Lord keep thy coming in, and thy going out: from henceforth, now and forever.

Requiem aeternam dona eis Domine: et lux perpetua luceat eis. Eternal rest give unto them O Lord: and let perpetual light shine unto them.
Ant: Dominus custodiat te ab omni malo, custodiat animam tuam Dominus. Ant: Our Lord doth keep thee from all evil, our Lord can keep thy soul.
Ant: Si iniquitates. Ant: If thou O Lord.
Psalmus [129]:

De profundis clamavi ad te Domine: Domine exaudi vocem meam.

Fiant aures tuae intendentes: in vocem deprecationis meae.

Si iniquitates observaveris Domine: Domine quis sustinebit?

Quia apud te propitiatio est: et propter legem tuam sustinui te Domine.

Sustinuit anima mea in verbo eius: speravit anima mea in Domino.

A custodia matutina usque ad noctem: speret Israel in Domino.

Quia apud Dominum misericordia: et copiosa apud eum redemptio.

Et ipse redimet Israel: ex omnibus iniquitatibus eius.

Psalm [129]:

From the depths I have cried to thee O Lord: Lord hear my voice.

Let thine ears be attentive: unto the voice of my petition.

If thou wilt observe iniquities O Lord: Lord who shall endure it?

Because with thee there is pitifulness: and for thy law I have expected thee O Lord.

My soul hath stayed in his word: my soul hath hoped in our Lord.

From the morning watch even until night: let Israel hope in our Lord.

Because with our Lord there is mercy: and with him plentiful redemption.

And he shall redeem Israel: from all his iniquities.

Requiem aeternam dona eis Domine: et lux perpetua luceat eis. Eternal rest give unto them O Lord: and let perpetual light shine unto them.
Ant: Si iniquitates observaveris Domine, Domine quis sustinebit? Ant: If thou O Lord observe iniquities, O Lord who shall be able to endure it?
Ant: Opera. Ant: The works.
Psalmus [137]:

Confitebor tibi Domine in toto corde meo: quoniam audisti verba oris mei.

In conspectu angelorum psallam tibi: adorabo ad templum sanctum tuum, et confitebor nomini tuo.

Super misericordia tua, et veritate tua: quoniam magnificasti super omne nomen sanctum tuum.

In quacumque die invocavero te, exaudi me: multiplicabis in anima mea virtutem.

Confiteantur tibi Domine omnes reges terrae: quia audierunt omnia verba oris tui.

Et cantent in viis Domini: quoniam magna est gloria Domini.

Quoniam excelsus Dominus, et humilia respicit: et alta a longe cognoscit.

Si ambulavero in medio tribulationis, vivificabis me: et super iram inimicorum meorum extendisti manum tuam, et salvum me fecit dextera tua.

Dominus retribuet pro me, Domine misericordia tua in saeculum: opera manuum tuarum ne despicias.

Psalm [137]:

I will confess to thee O Lord in my whole heart: because thou hast heard the words of my mouth.

In the sight of Angels I will sing to thee: I will adore toward thy holy temple, and will confess to thy name.

Upon thy mercy and thy truth: because thou hast magnified thy holy name above all things.

In what day soever I shall call on thee, hear me: thou shalt multiply strength in my soul.

Let all the Kings of the earth O Lord confess to thee: because they have heard all the words of thy mouth.

And let them sing in the ways of our Lord: because great is the glory of our Lord.

Because our Lord is high, and he beholdeth low things: and high things he knoweth far off.

If I shall walk in the midst of tribulation, thou wilt quicken me: and upon the wrath of mine enemies thou hast extended thy hand, and thy right hand hath saved me.

Our Lord will repay for me, O Lord thy mercy is forever: despise not the works of thy hands.

Requiem aeternam dona eis Domine: et lux perpetua luceat eis. Eternal rest give unto them O Lord: and let perpetual light shine unto them.
Ant: Opera manuum tuarum Domine ne despicias. Ant: The works of thy hands dispise not O Lord.
V: Audivi vocem de caelo dicentem mihi. V: I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me.
R: Beati mortui qui in Domino moriuntur. R: Blessed are the dead which die in our Lord.
Ant: Omne. Ant: All.
Canticum Beatae Mariae Virginis [Luc. 1]:

Magnificat: anima mea Dominum .

Et exultavit spiritus meus: in Deo salutari meo .

Quia respexit humilitatem ancillae suae: ecce enim ex hoc beatam me dicent omnes generationes .

Quia fecit mihi magna, qui potens est: et sanctum nomen eius .

Et misericordia eius, a progenie et progenies: timentibus eum .

Fecit potentiam in brachio suo: dispersit superbos mente cordis sui .

Deposuit potentes de sede: et exaltavit humiles .

Esurientes implevit bonis: et divites dimisit inanes .

Suscepit Israel puerum suum: recordatus misericordiae suae.

Sicut locutus est ad patres nostros: Abraham, et semini eius in saecula .

The Song of the Blessed Virgin Mary [Luke 1]:

My soul: doth magnify our Lord.

And my spirit hath rejoiced: in God my saviour.

Because he hath regarded the humility of his handmaid: for behold from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.

Because he that is mighty, hath done great things to me: and holy is his name.

And his mercy from generation unto generations: to them that fear him.

He hath shewed might in his arm: he hath dispersed the proud in the conceit of their heart.

He hath deposed the mighty from their seat: and hath exalted the humble.

The hungry he hath filled with good things: and the rich he hath sent away empty.

He hath received Israel his child: being mindful of his mercy.

As he spake to our fathers: to Abraham, and his seed forever.

Requiem aeternam dona eis Domine: et lux perpetua luceat eis. Eternal rest give unto them O Lord: and let perpetual light shine unto them.
Ant: Omne, quod dat mihi Pater, ad me veniet, et eum qui venit ad me, non eiiciam foras. Ant: All, that my Father giveth me, shall come unto me, and he that cometh unto me, I will not cast forth.
Preces infrascriptae in ferialibus diebus dicuntur flexis genibus: The prayers hereafter set down are to be said on the working days kneeling:
Pater noster, qui es in caelis, sanctificetur nomen tuum: adveniat regnum tuum: fiat voluntas tua, sicut in caelo et in terra: panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie et dimitte nobis debita nostra, sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris. Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
V: Et ne nos inducas in tentationem. V: And lead us not into temptation.
R: Sed libera nos a malo. R: But deliver us from evil.
Psalmus [145]:

Lauda anima mea Dominum: laudabo Dominum in vita mea: psallam Deo meo quamdiu fuero.

Nolite confidere in principibus: in filiis hominum, in quibus non est salus.

Exibit spiritus eius, et revertetur in terram suam: in illa die peribunt omnes cogitationes eorum.

Beatus cuius Deus Iacob adiutor eius, spes eius in Domino Deo ipsius: qui fecit caelum et terram, mare et omnia quae in eis sunt.

Qui custodit veritatem in saeculum, facit iudicium iniuriam patientibus: dat escam esurientibus.

Dominus solvit conpeditos: Dominus illuminat caecos.

Dominus erigit elisos: Dominus diligit iustos.

Dominus custodit advenas, pupillum et viduam suscipiet: et vias peccatorum disperdet.

Regnabit Dominus in saecula, Deus tuus Sion: in generatione et generationem.

Psalm [145]:

My soul praise thou our Lord, I will praise our Lord in my life: I will sing to my God as long as I shall be.

Put not confidence in Princes: in the children of men, in whom there is no salvation.

His spirit shall go forth, and shall return into his earth: in that day all their cogitations shall perish.

Blessed is he whose God of Jacob is his helper his hope in our Lord his God: which made heaven and earth, the sea, and all things that are in them.

Which keepeth truth forever, doth judgement for them that suffer wrong, giveth food to the hungry.

Our Lord looseth the fettered: our Lord lighteneth the blind.

Our Lord lifteth up the bruised: our Lord loveth the just.

Our Lord keepeth strangers, the fatherless and widow he will receive: and the ways of sinners he shall destroy.

Our Lord shall reign forever, thy God O Sion: in generation and generation.

Requiem aeternam dona eis Domine: et lux perpetua luceat eis. Eternal rest give unto them O Lord: and let perpetual light shine unto them.
V: A porta inferi. V: From the gate of hell.
R: Erue Domine animas eorum. R: Deliver their souls O Lord.
V: Requiescant in pace. V: Let them rest in peace.
R: Amen. R: Amen.
V: Domine exaudi orationem meam. V: O Lord hear my prayer.
R: Et clamor meus ad te veniat. R: And let my cry come unto thee.
Oratio:

Deus, qui inter Apostolicos sacerdotes famulos tuos pontificali seu sacerdotali fecisti dignitate vigere: praesta quaesumus: ut eorum quoque perpetuo aggregentur consortio.

Deus veniae largitor et humanae salutis amator, quaesumus clementiam tuam: ut nostrae congregationis fratres, propinquos, et benefactores, qui ex hoc saeculo transierunt, beata Maria semper virgine intercedente cum omnibus sanctis tuis, ad perpetuae beatitudinis consortium pervenire concedas.

Fidelium Deus omnium conditor, et redemptor animabus famulorum, famularumque tuarum remissionem cunctorum tribue peccatorum: ut indulgentiam, quam semper optaverunt, piis supplicationibus consequantur. Qui vivis et regnas in saecula saeculorum.

Prayer:

O God, which among the Apostolic priests hast made thy servants to have power by pontifical or priestly dignity: Grant we beseech thee: that they may also be joined unto their perpetual society.

O God the giver of pardon, and the lover of human salvation, we beseech thy clemency: that thou grant the brethren of our congregation, kinsfolk, and benefactors, which are departed out of this world, blessed Mary ever virgin making intercession with all the saints, to come to the fellowship of eternal blessedness.

O God the creator, and redeemer of all the faithful, give unto the souls of thy servants men, and women remission of all their sins: that through Godly supplications they may obtain the pardon which they have always wished for. Who livest and reignest world without end.

R: Amen. R: Amen.
V: Requiem aeternam dona eis Domine. V: Eternal rest give unto them O Lord.
R: Et lux perpetua luceat eis. R: And let perpetual light shine unto them.
V: Requiescant in pace. V: Let them rest in peace.
R: Amen. R: Amen.

Flos Carmeli

FLOWER of Carmel, Tall vine blossom laden; Splendor of heaven, Childbearing yet maiden. None equals thee.

Mother so tender, Who no man didst know, On Carmel’s children Thy favours bestow. Star of the Sea.

Strong stem of Jesse, Who bore one bright flower, Be ever near us And guard us each hour, who serve thee here.

Purest of lilies, That flowers among thorns, Bring help to the true heart That in weakness turns and trusts in thee.

Strongest of armour, We trust in thy might: Under thy mantle, Hard press’d in the fight, we call to thee.

Our way uncertain, Surrounded by foes, Unfailing counsel You give to those who turn to thee.

O gentle Mother Who in Carmel reigns, Share with your servants That gladness you gained and now enjoy.

Hail, Gate of Heaven, With glory now crowned, Bring us to safety Where thy Son is found, true joy to see. Amen. (Alleluia.)

 

Litany of the Carmelite Saints

Lord, Have Mercy on Us/Lord, Have Mercy on Us

Christ, Have Mercy on Us/Christ, Have Mercy on Us

Lord Have Mercy on Us/Lord Have Mercy on Us

 

Christ, Hear Us/Christ, Graciously Hear us

 

God, the Father of Heaven/Have Mercy on Us

God, the Son, Redeemer of the World/Have Mercy on Us

God, the Holy Spirit/Have Mercy on Us

Holy Trinity, one God/Have Mercy on Us

 

Divine Infant Jesus [of Prague]/Have Mercy on Us

 

Holy Mary, Mother of God/Pray for Us.

Holy, Virgin of Virgins/Pray for Us.

Mother of Divine Grace/Pray for Us.

Our Lady of Mt. Carmel/Pray for Us.

Mother and Ornament of Carmel/Have Mercy on Us

Patroness of all who wear the Scapular/Pray for Us.

Hope of all Who Die Wearing the Scapular/Pray for Us.

Mystical Rose/Pray for Us.

Star of the Sea/Pray for Us.

Our Lady of Guadalupe/Pray for Us.

Our Lady of Fatima/Pray for Us.

Queen of all Saints/Pray for Us.

Queen conceived without original sin/Pray for Us.

Queen assumed into heaven/Pray for Us.

Queen of the most holy Rosary/Pray for Us.

Queen of families/Pray for Us.

Queen of peace/Pray for Us.

 

All holy angels/Pray for Us.

 

Holy Father Elijah/Pray for Us.

St. Elisha/Pray for Us.

St. John the Baptist/Pray for Us.

St. Joseph, friend of the Sacred Heart/Pray for Us.

St. Joseph, chaste spouse of Mary/Pray for Us.

St. Joseph, our patron/Pray for Us.

All holy Patriarchs and Prophets/Pray for Us.

 

St. Peter/Pray for Us.

St. Paul/Pray for Us.

St. John [the Evangelist]/Pray for Us.

All holy Apostles and Disciples of Our Lord/Pray for Us.

 

St. Angelus/Pray for Us.

Bl. Denis and Redemptus/Pray for Us.

Bl. Jean-Baptiste [Duverneuil]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Michael-Aloysius [Brulard]/Pray for Us.

Bl. James [Gagnot]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Teresa [of St. Augustine] and Companions [of Compiegne]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Isidore [Bakanja]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Maria Mercedes [Prat]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Maria Pilar [of St. Francis Borgia]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Teresa [of the Child Jesus and of St. John of the Cross]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Maria Angeles [of St. Joseph]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Maria Sagrario [of St. Aloysius Gonzaga]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Titus Brandsma/Pray for Us.

St. Teresa Benedicta [of the Cross]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Alphonsus Mary [Mazurek] and Companions/Pray for Us.

All Holy Martyrs/Pray for Us.

 

St. Albert of Jerusalem/Pray for Us.

St. Peter [Thomas]/Pray for Us.

St. Andrew [Corsini]/Pray for Us.

Bl. John Paul [II]/Pray for Us.

All Holy Bishops and Doctors of the Church/Pray for Us.

 

Holy Mother Teresa [of Jesus, of Avila]/Pray for Us.

St. John [of the Cross]/Pray for Us.

St. Therese [of the Child Jesus, of Lisieux]/Pray for Us.

 

St. Simon [Stock]/Pray for Us.

St. Albert [of Trapani]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Nuno [Alvares Pereira]/Pray for Us.

Bl. John [Soreth]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Baptist [Spagnoli]/Pray for Us.

St. Peter [of Alcantara]/Pray for Us.

St. Francis [Borgia, SJ]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Francis [Palau y Quer]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Kuriakos Elias [Chavara]/Pray for Us.

St. Henry [de Osso y Cervello]/Pray for Us.

St. Raphael [Kalinowski]/Pray for Us.

St. George [Preca]/Pray for Us.

 

St. Mary Magdalene [de Pazzi]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Mary of the Incarnation/Pray for Us.

Bl. Anne [of St. Bartholomew]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Mary [of Jesus]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Mary [of the Angels]/Pray for Us.

St. Teresa Margaret [Redi of the Sacred Heart]/Pray for Us.

St. Joachina [de Vedruna]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Mary [of Jesus Crucified]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Josepha [Naval Girbes]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Teresa Maria [Manetti of the Cross]/Pray for Us.

St. Teresa of Jesus [of the Andes]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Elia [of St. Clement]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Elizabeth [of the Trinity]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Maria Candida [of the Eucharist]/Pray for Us.

Bl. Maria Maravillas [of Jesus]/Pray for Us.

All Holy Priests and Religious/Pray for Us.

 

Bl. Louis and Zelie [Martin]/Pray for Us.

All Holy Men and Women/Pray for Us.

 

All you Saints of Carmel, intercede for us

All you Saints of God, intercede for us

 

We sinners/We beseech You to hear us

That You would spare us/We beseech You to hear us

That You would pardon us/We beseech You to hear us

That You would bring us to true penance/We beseech You to hear us

That You would deign to govern and preserve your holy Church/We beseech You to hear us

That You will guide and protect Our Order/We beseech You to hear us

That You would deign to preserve our Apostolic Prelate, and all orders of the Church in holy religion/We beseech You to hear us

That You would deign to humble the enemies of Holy Church/We beseech You to hear us

That You would deign to give peace and true concord to Christian kings and princes/We beseech You to hear us

That You would deign to grant peace and unity to all Christian people/We beseech You to hear us

That You would deign to call back to the unity of the Church all who have strayed from the truth and lead all unbelievers to the light of the Gospel/We beseech You to hear us

That You will bring many vocations to the Carmelite Orders/We beseech You to hear us

That You would deign to confirm and preserve us in your holy service/We beseech You to hear us

That You would lift up our minds to heavenly desires/We beseech You to hear us

That You would render eternal blessings to all our benefactors/We beseech You to hear us

That You would deliver our souls and the souls of our brethren in Carmel, relations and benefactors, from eternal damnation/We beseech You to hear us

That You would deign to give and preserve the fruits of the earth/We beseech You to hear us

That you would deign to grant eternal rest to all the faithful departed, particularly from the Order of Carmel/We beseech You to hear us

That you would deign graciously to hear us/We beseech You to hear us

Son of God/We beseech You to hear us

 

Lamb of God, who take away the sins of the world,

R/ spare us, O Lord.</em>

 

Lamb of God, who take away the sins of the world,

R/ graciously hear us, O Lord.</em>

 

Lamb of God, who take away the sins of the world,

R/ have mercy on us.</em>

 

V/ Christ, hear us.

R/ Christ, graciously hear us.</em>

 

V/ Lord, have mercy.

R/ Christ, have mercy.</em>

 

Lord, have mercy.</em>

 

Our Father . . .

 

Lord, You are the glory of those who serve You.

Look lovingly on our departed brothers and sisters, especially John of the Little Way,

united in following Christ and his Mother,

by the waters of baptism and the bonds of Carmel.

In Your mercy,

grant them everlasting sight of You,

their Creator and Redeemer.
We ask this through Our Lord, Jesus Christ, Your Son, Who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, forever and ever. Amen.

 

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee!</em>

 

Benediction
Tantum ergo Sacramentum

Veneremur cernui:

Et antiquum documentum

Novo cedat ritui:

Praestet fides supplementum

Sensuum defectui.

 

Genitori, Genitoque

Laus et jubilatio,

Salus, honor, virtus quoque

Sit et benedictio:

Procedenti ab utroque

Compar sit laudatio.

Amen.

 

  1. Panem de caelis[4] praestitisti eis (in Paschaltide, ‘Alleluia’ is added).
  2. Omne delectamentum in se habentem[Wis 16:20] (in Paschaltide, ‘Alleluia’ is added).

Let us pray.

 

O God, who in this wonderful Sacrament

left us a memorial of your Passion:

grant, we implore you,

that we may so venerate

the sacred mysteries of your Body and Blood,

as always to be conscious of the fruit of your Redemption.

You who live and reign forever and ever. Amen.

 

The Divine Praises

Blessed be God.

Blessed be His Holy Name.

Blessed be Jesus Christ, true God and true man.

Blessed be the name of Jesus.

Blessed be His Most Sacred Heart.

Blessed be Jesus in the Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar.

Blessed be the Holy Spirit, the paraclete.

Blessed be the great Mother of God, Mary most holy.

Blessed be her holy and Immaculate Conception.

Blessed be her glorious Assumption.

Blessed be the name of Mary, Virgin and Mother.

Blessed be Saint Joseph, her most chaste spouse.

Blessed be God in His angels and in His Saints.

 

May the heart of Jesus, in the Most Blessed Sacrament, be praised, adored, and loved with grateful affection, at every moment, in all the tabernacles of the world, even to the end of time. Amen.

Except during Lent:

You are God; we praise You.

You are the Lord; we acclaim You.

You are the eternal Father; all creation worships You.

To You all angels, all the pow’rs of heaven,

cherubim and seraphim, sing in endless praise:

Holy, holy, holy Lord, God of pow’r and might,

heaven and earth are full of Your glory.

The glorious company of apostles praise You.

The noble fellowship of prophets praise You.

The white-robed army of martyrs praise You.

Throughout the world the holy Church acclaims You:

Father, of majesty unbounded;

Your true and only Son, worthy of all worship;

and the Holy Spirit, advocate and guide.

You, Christ, are the king of glory, the eternal Son of the Father.

When You became man to set us free,

You did not spurn the virgin’s womb.

You overcame the sting of death

and opened the kingdom of heaven to all believers.

You are seated at God’s right hand in glory.

We believe that You will come and be our judge.

Come, then, Lord, and help Your people,

bought with the price of Your own blood,

and bring us with Your saints to glory everlasting.

 

A Patient Reacts to Medical Dramas.

IMG_20130427_111444

This is me, 2 months after aortic graft surgery with complications, in 2013.

360_house_effect_0405

A patient in recovery on _House_.

There must be some kind of HIPAA for TV patients because after numerous search combinations I can’t find many pictures of TV patients in recovery from surgery, but we’ve all seen them: awake and talking hours after a complex surgery, with maybe a fake ID or a basic oxygen cannula or a bandage or two.  No blood or other fluids oozing all over the place.

I don’t watch a lot of medical shows.  I like House and I like The Good Doctor and a few others that are more dramas that happen to be about doctors than they are “medical shows.”  Usually, when surgery is depicted on TV, it’s either so graphic it causes me PTSD  or it’s so unrealistically “clean” it’s frustrating.
The season 2 premiere of The Good Doctor features a patient  who needs a “piggyback” heart transplant, a procedure that has been around since 2004.  The episode frustrated me so much I wanted to see if anyone wrote about it, and I discovered a couple YouTube shows where doctors review medical dramas or sitcoms.  Then I looked to see if there was an equivalent series for patients, and there is none. Since I can only speak above a whisper, and since I don’t know how to do all the fancy effects of a YouTube channel, I decided to do it as a blog post.

So, the Good Doctor episode: they’re getting ready for this surgery and discover a massive aortic aneurysm that they somehow never picked up on previous tests.  A dissection would be believable.  But an aneurysm?  Then they refer to a “teflon” graft–aortic grafts are made of Dacron, which contains teflon, but I have never heard a doctor say “teflon” graft.  Then they act like the aortic graft is what’s “risky,” and not this heart procedure.  I have had an aortic “teflon” graft that goes “all the way to my heart” for 22 years.  It’s nothing new.  Also, IRL if they discovered such a potential complication, they would do two separate procedures.  When I had the surgeries in the picture above, they first grafted from my left carotid to my left subclavian.  Then, a week later, they grafted my descending aorta.   Then I had some kind of surgery about once a week for a month and a half.  Were it a  TV show, it would be all done in less than a week, and I’d have left the hospital happy and smiling, instead of barely functional after 3 months.

To wit, medical dramas are their best when major characters are patients and their care is actually shown in a realistic timeline with realistic reactions and complications.

Non-medical shows are just as bad: character has some health crisis and it’s all resolved in an episode or two: no long term scars or broken bones that never quite heal right–unless the storyline is to account for an actor’s real life health issues.

Every time I look in the mirror I see the scars.  If I look at my hands closely enough I can see the scars from various long term IVs from hospitalizations.

You never see that on TV.

Then there was this week’s Good DoctorShaun tells his supervisor, Dr. Melendez, that he thinks the janitor has pancreatic cancer because of acid reflux, jaundice and some other symptom.  Melendez walks by the janitor and agrees.  They do a “full workup,” whatever that means.  In less than a day, they’ve given him all sorts of tests, “on the hospital’s dime,” and sure enough he has cancer, and they do a surgery, and well, in this case he dies but you know the drill.  Either the patient dies and there’s some kind of ethical debate or life lesson for the major characters, or else the patient lives and (see above).

Real life: doctor sees a lump on your foot.  Combined with other symptoms, he thinks it might be cancerous.  He’s pretty sure it’s just a bone spur but wants to be sure.  So he orders an X-Ray.  That doesn’t  settle it, so he orders an MRI.  This whole process takes nearly a month, not a few hours.  MRI thankfully confirms bone spur, but after a month of worry you now have to deal with the fact that your insurance company has denied the MRI.

Doctor show: patient goes to the ER with a cough.  “I think you might be having an [insert “zebra” diagnosis here] because you have all these other symptoms you didn’t mention.”

Real Life: patient goes to the ER with, say, Marfan syndrome, multiple grafts and an abdominal aneurysm, and sharp pain in chest and back. He tells them that it has to be really bad for him to show up at all, that he’s having this pain in spite of high doses of pain medication, anti-gas meds, antacids, etc., and that he just wants a CT and an echo to make sure everything’s functioning properly.  He even tries to hand them a signed ER plan which they hand back to him.

Instead, I sat in the ER waiting room for 5 hours, surrounded by people coughing and hacking, later heard one of the people at the triage desk say, “We have to clear out all these Class C” people and looks up what that means, and found out it’s basically the ER term for hypochondriacs.  While I had been sitting there, they gave me an EKG and chest X-Ray, both of which I know are useless in showing whether anything is dissected or leaking, and both of which were “normal” when I had my actual aortic dissection.

Having arrived around 7 PM, I finally got into room, way in the back, at 11:45.  A nurse came in and I explained why I was there and handed her my sheet.  She looked at it, asked if she could keep it, and I said, “Yes, that’s why I brought multiple copies.”  She said she’d enter it into my chart (I had updated information from another hospital).  [A week later, when I went to see my regular doctor’s office at that hospital for a scheduled test, they did not have the updated information].
She ended her shift, and I went through the same routine with another nurse, and he was impressed I wrote the care plan myself.  The usual sequence of increasingly ranked doctors came in, and the highest ranked one actually seemed to be concerned that they’d made me wait this long. Then he finally ordered the CT which my wife had been assured over the phone around 9 PM that they had already ordered.
It was, of course, “stable,” though I know from experience that “ER stable” could mean a mm or more of growth in my aneurysm, which is the change my surgeon said would make it time for my next surgery.

TV Drama: Person has a dizzy spell.  Someone calls 911.  The hospital admits the patient till they know exactly what caused the dizzy spell.  Wants to know entire history.  House gets mad patient didn’t mention a dizzy spell in 1984, or sends his residents to break into the patient’s house to find information the patient might not have shared.

RL, Different Hospital: I lost my memory briefly.  I have a history of neurological complications of Marfan syndrome, including 2 or more venous ectasias (essentially brain aneurysms but supposedly they won’t burst), and potential dural ectasia and CSF problems but I can’t have the tests to formally diagnose them so when I have symptoms of a CSF leak I just confine myself to bed rest till I feel better.

My whole life I’ve had dizzy spells, loss of feeling in my legs, slurred speech, “migraines,” etc.  Some of that is explained by either or both of those conditions.  Usually, I’ve only gone to the ER when other people were concerned enough to insist on it, like when I’d nearly pass out in the hallway in high school.  I hate ERs because I know the’re pretty much useless.

For the past couple years, I’ve been getting migraines with audio aura, or something like waking dreams. It’s hard to explain, but I would feel woozy then get a sense of deja vu or nostalgia or whatever, feel like I was remembering something but not quite sure, and if I tried to focus on that, it would just get worse and worse, with this cacophony of noise in my head.  Usually, an aspirin or a nap would wipe it out.

In June, I started having such an experience and went back to my room.  My wife sent one of the kids back to check on me and I didn’t know who or where I was (from my perspective, I thought I’d slept for hours and just woken up).  They asked me all sorts of questions.  I  remember the experience but I remember “knowing” but being horribly confused and just unable to get the words to my mouth.

So they called 911.  I took the ambulance to the hospital, and felt better by the time I got there.  They did some meaningless tests, diagnosed me with “migraine,” and sent me home.

A month to the day later, it happened again, only this time I didn’t make it to the bed.  I feel and lost consciousness on the bedroom floor.  My wife had recently done an online CPR class and had the kids watch it with her.  Our 11 year old said, “Dad’s having a seizure!”

Called 911.  I woke up surrounded by EMTs.  They took me to the ER.  Yes, I was having a seizure, spent most of the night in the ER, but they didn’t admit me.  For once, I don’t remember a lot of details about what happened next, but I came home, and the next night my wife woke up to me seizing in my sleep.  She called again.  This time, she insisted they admit me.  The neurologist on duty was a cerebrovascular neurologist I’d seen before about my venous ectasias.  The first neurology resident was OK but the supervising resident insisted I was faking it or something and did some kind of physical assault to show that I wasn’t really having a seizure, ignoring my wife’s pleas for him to stop that he could kill me by the way he was applying pressure to my chest.

After my wife’s pleas, they admitted me.   We told them all the history above, and they said, “Well, that’s probably unrelated.”
After a frustrating weekend, they sent me home.  We didn’t understand at the time why they refused to do an EEG while I was there, but now I understand: the way to diagnose epilepsy is to wait till the patient is *not* in an obvious seizure, and if there’s seizure activity, they know it’s epilepsy and not anything else.  So after a week, I got the EEG.  Another week later, they called and said to come in for the follow up ASAP.  Yes, I had epilepsy.  Yes, they admitted that those audio migraines, dizzy spells, etc., had probably all been partial seizures.

Medical Drama (Again): “Tell us every health problem you’ve ever had.”
RL (office visit): “Don’t tell me all that.  What is the most urgent issue you’re dealing with right now.”