Category Archives: Confession.
Went to Confession today. Didn’t want to be a “10 minute Confession,” so I prayed a long time about it–including my post about the Saints last night–and I talked about my existential doubt/Dark Night, my doubt of the Church, and rash actions committed because I was really angry at God and didn’t realize it. Father said to pray the Glorious mysteries and focus on the third. Didn’t even say that Penance till later this evening, but when I came out of Confession, I sat down, rejoined the people saying the Sorrowful Mysteries in church, and felt a deep sense of God’s Presence to a level I haven’t felt in a long time, and didn’t think I’d ever feel again now that I ‘m in the last stages of the Dark Night. I felt so overwhelmed by JOY, by LOVE, by PEACE, that I practically felt like a Charismatic. I thought of Joy Davidman Lewis’s famous description of her conversion:
“All my defenses—the walls of arrogance and cocksureness and self-love behind which I hid from God—went down momentarily. And God came in.”
Since you tried to steal my identity, I’m here to reclaim it. My name is John Hathaway.
You obviously know my address as well as SSN because the card was sent to my home. If you want my identity, I think you should know what goes along with it.
You’ll probably never see this, but hopefully it will go viral.
I have Marfan syndrome
(Regular readers should know this)
If you want my name and my “credit,” would you like the dissected and twice-grafted aorta that goes with it? How about the brain aneurysm? The scarred lung? The leaking heart valves? The bleeding and bruising from Coumadin? The joint and rib pain? Would you like to share in those?
Would you like to share in wondering any time you have a sharp pain if it will be your last, in genuinely being aware–every day of your life–that you have no idea when you will die? Many people live that way, of course. Maybe you do, but most do because of the threat of violence from people who care more about $200 watches than they do about other human beings who are made in the image and likeness of God.
I am Catholic
I have a deep love for Jesus Christ, and the Church He established, particularly His Mother and His Saints in Heaven. If you want to share in my “identity,” I invite you to share in the love of Christ.
I wish I could afford to be as generous as the Bishop in Les Miserables.
But I do forgive you, and I do call you my brother.
You need to know that your action has violated three of God’s Ten Commandments,
The seventh, eighth, and tenth, specifically.
7. You have obviously stolen my legal “identity,” and you have stolen two expensive watches from Belk.
8. You have also born false witness against me by performing an act in my name that I never would have done.
10. You have done this out of covetousness.
For my part, I forgive you, and God is willing to forgive you, too. If you are not baptized, please seek out any Christian, but ideally a Catholic priest or deacon, and request to be baptized. If you are baptized, please find a priest and confess your sins and sin no more.
You need to know that your action has done in my name something that I find morally repugnant
I can’t remember the last time I bought anything at Belk. I don’t even wear a watch, and if I did it would be the least expensive, most practical watch I could find. I think it’s wrong to pay more than $30 for shoes without a good medical reason or more than $30 for a watch for the same. The most expensive items of clothing I have ever bought myself were the blazer for my wedding, which I still wear; the overcoat I bought at Penney’s in 2005 to wear over my blazers when I worked outside the home; and a few other blazers for when I worked, which I gave away to charity because I believe and do a very poor job of practicing the teaching of St. John the Baptist that anyone with two coats should share with the one who has none.
My family spends way more than we should, but most of that is on fast food. With six people with various physical impairments and on the autism spectrum, we have a lot of medical appointments. Other than that, our incomes goes to housing, utilities, food, and a bit of technology. We enjoy way too many luxuries yet far less than most Americans.
I would never spend $200 for a watch, much less $400 for 2! And these days I’d buy a $30 cell phone rather
We don’t even have enough to regularly donate to the Church. Usually, when we do plan to give something to the Church, we find some person in urgent need first. I don’t say this to brag, but to make an appeal to you not to be materialistic and greedy, and to think about others.
I once dropped a credit card at a gas station. The person who found it used it to buy gas someplace else. While I disputed the charge, I also thought “At least they did something practical.”
We are just getting our credit up to where we might be able to get a loan to make repairs on our home without appealing to charities for help in making them.
It is cosmically unjust that if I apply for credit at a store I actually shop at — and not because I need it but just to take advantage of one of those offers and then pay it off — I get denied, but you, my brother, have managed to get credit at a store that I rarely even enter to buy products that I not only would never buy but whose very existence I consider mortally sinful per the teachings of the Fathers of the Church.
For those reasons this hurts me deeply, but I seek the grace in my pain. I pray that, like St. Stephen and St. Paul, my prayers will inspire your conversion and we can be together in Heaven where we will both share the identity of Christ.
This is Mary, John’s wife posting. I found this homily exactly the challenge I need to grow in holiness by rooting out the base that is in me, through God’s Grace.
“The mentality just described by St. Francis might be summed up in one sentence: “I’m too weak to practice virtue—at least, not heroically like the saints did—so I’m definitely dispensed from doing so.” Some of us here may be thinking similar thoughts. Despite this presumption, we might still manage to save our own soul, but many others will be lost—those onetime wayward souls whom any given saint manages to drag along with himself to heaven. Even one mortal sin can cost us much peace of mind, yet umpteen souls are lost and our conscience won’t be any worse for the wear, because here below this sin of which we speak will remain buried under a heap of excuses. We wanted to avoid the cross, but in the end we only managed to exchange one cross for another—perhaps even a heavier one. In the process, we forfeited ever so much joy to which the saints are privy both in time and eternity. What shall we say about all this? How about a prayer? Lord, spare us so rude an awakening in purgatory! Save us from our secret sin—and from our top secret sin: ingratitude. Make us thankful in thought, word and deed. Amen.”
This week, yet another Survey came out showing that most who identify as “Catholic” are not,morally. Whatever happened to Catholics needing to “believe all the Church believes and teaches”? Where would we be if the priest who gave Dietrich Von Hildebrand instruction hadn’t required him to accept everything?
Yet we’re told that, because the vast majority of “Catholics” use contraception without batting an eye, that means it’s O.K. for Catholics to contracept. The majority of Cstholics think the Eucharist is a “symbol,” which in the old days would have meant anathema, yet somehow that tells society that “the Church” (including much of the hierarchy) thinks differently than the Magisterium, but those of us who *do* believe (and go to Confession when we fall short rather than literally parading our sins) are “extremists.”
So, when the media, politicians and even well meaning Catholics insist “Islam is a religion of peace, the majority of Muslims are peaceful,” I don’t buy it.
I went to a nominally Catholic high school where, for “religion,” we once had to sit through a lesson on Islam from one student. Back then, everyone said, “‘Islam’ means ‘submission.'” That’s what my classmate said in a pro-Islam talk. It’s what my professor and textbook in the Islamic history class I took for my multicultural requirement said. Only after 9/11 did it suddenly start meaning “peace.”
Jesus Christ preached to fight spiritually, not physically. As Tim Rice puts it, “To conquer death, you only have to die.” He was crucified–in part, because the crowds rejected Him for *not* conquering. Yes, Moses and the Judges took the Holy Land by force, and that is a Mystery in understanding God (most straightforward answer is that, before Christ, all mortal sin was literally mortal). Regardless, we regard Vlad the
Impaler, who protected all of Europe for a generation, as a monster. Do
Muslims do the same to their impalers? No, they honor them as caliphs because they follow in the footsteps of Mohammed.
That is the difference. Even when we honor those who’ve fought in just wars as Saints, it’s usually for what happened after more than before.
Yet why, in Islam or Christianity, does society point to the majorit’s beliefs and actions to represent the religion? As Fr. Dubay put it, you don’t judge a belief system by those who do it badly. You judge it by its heroes who best e employ its teachings.
After “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord, thy God, in vain,” the Commandment that’s probably most often broken is the eighth. As it happens, the two are often broken simultaneously, as Ephesians 4:29, which sometimes is translated as “unwholesome talk,” and others as “foul language,” attests. Either way, it finishes with the famous, “Say only the good things men need to hear, to build them up. . . .”
When we say things, are we loving our neighbor? Are we loving the person we’re speaking about or the person we’re speaking to by saying them?
As I mostly look out on the world these days and can barely even use my voice, I see the evils that people spread, perhaps unwittingly, with their words. I regret the many, many times I have done the same. When I laid in the hospital, “Hallucinating” for three weeks that seemed like 3 years in 2013, the guilt I bore for my many unconfessed sins against the 8th Commandment was one of the things that bore down on my conscience. As experiential arguments for Purgatory go, even if I was sacramentally absolved, and that seems to depend upon which saint or mystic one quotes, I still needed to be purified of it.
We look at it in face value and say, “Well, I never testified against somebody in court, so that doesn’t apply to me.” Yet, as the Catechism warns, we become guilty of it in several ways, beyond lying about someone else, in particular Detraction and Rash judgement. They both seem to come up all the time: with kids and family, with other adults, in parish life and city life, national politics, the hierarchy from the parish office to Rome. Our pastor has been talking a lot about it lately, and it strikes me how people will gossip about his homilies against gossip. I balk myself a bit, but this is definitely a case where it’s sometimes hard to hear hard truths. Like I say, the Rich Young Man’s sadness seems to me to indicate that he, unlike the many who left Jesus’ presence in anger, and the rest of us when we leave angry from hearing God’s message, was acknowledging that Jesus was right. When we condemn ourselves to Hell, we do so in defiant anger that we disagree with how God wants things to be.
“I’m just being honest,” we protest, like a child justifying saying something cruel to another child. “I’m just telling the truth.”
No, there are times when it is not necessary to divulge a truth, or when it’s more appropriate to remain silent. When Ahab killed the prophets of the Lord, and Elijah pronounced the drought, the Lord sent him into hiding for “some time” (1 Kings 17:3-7). Our Lord Himself remained silent for most of the first 30 years of His life on earth. We must pray for guidance on these matters. St. John the Baptist was beheaded for denouncing Herod Antipas’s illicit marriage, but when St. Thomas More was executed for essentially the same reason, he had never openly denounced Henry VIII’s sin. It has always been a constant temptation in public life, particularly in American culture. We blame the digital media or electronic media in general, or even the printing press, but we can look through history and see examples of the same kinds of “mudslinging” and personal attacks in ancient Greece and Rome and other cultures.
Rash judgement seems to “You did that *on purpose*!” “You did that to be mean!” I know I very often fall into it. It takes a lot of prayer and grace to resist it. How many lives have been shattered by rash judgement? Nations?
Like St. Elijah in confronting Ahab and Jezebel, we must often be silent and patient, waiting on the Lord to tell us when or how to speak or act. If we feel the need to do so, we should follow St. Paul’s advice to speak in ways that build people up. St. John of the Cross says that the one who flees prayer flees everything good. I have often wondered how much better everyone’s lives would be if we all made prayer our default mode of conversation. The next time you’re tempted to gossip or complain, or you hear someone else doing it, why not ask them to join you in a Divine Mercy Chaplet or Rosary? Or the Office?
Pray for me that God will grant me the grace to do the same.