The Day Jesus Jumped Out of My Mouth

Christmas Eve Liturgy, Christmas Day (actually December 26) Vespers, and most of today’s Sunday Liturgy, were very profound spiritual experiences. It has been a long time since I’ve felt consolations like I did today. I alternated between tears and joy, pain and ecstasy.

Then something happened. I’ve received Communion on the tongue so many times that I can’t even remember the last time I received by hand. I’ve received Communion in the Byzantine Rite (Ukrainian once and Melkite many times now) enough to know how it works. I’ve received sitting in the pew, and in various other awkward situations. Today, I came up, and it was like a wall formed across my mouth. I wasn’t sure what to do. The Host fell thankfully onto the cloth. I paused in confusion. Father picked it up and tried again.

Obviously, the “rational explanation” is that I had some kind of neurological issue, but why at that instant?

The thing was, I wasn’t aware of any mortal sin, and, like I say, I ahd been having a profound spiritual experience till that point, so Jesus was trying to send me a message. But what?

I often refer to the passage in St. Faustina’s diary where Jesus warns her about the time in Purgatory earned by a sinful thought. Then Father spoke in his homily today about how we all can be Herod. It kind of tied into my reflection on Judas from Christmas Day, in my previous post.

Last night, we watched the first part of The Greatest Story Ever Told. I was struck by something “Jesus” says in the film. Faith is about more than just an intellectual proposition: it’s about our trust in God’s promises. It’s also about our trustworthiness in God’s Eyes. When people say, “If you only had enough faith, ____,” they’re partially right. Faith isn’t just thinking “I believe God has the power to answer my prayers.” It’s being willing to literally go out on a limb for Him as Zacchaeus did. It’s being willing to give all we have like the widow.

So, tonight, I had briefly entertained some bad thoughts, and my daughter told me the dog needed to go out, so I had to take the dog out. A series of misadventures later, and I was outside for a half house. At one point, I thought maybe *this* was tied into the message God was sending, and I had the above thought process.

I believe, Lord! Help my unbelief!

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