St. Andrew, pray for me. I have given my “5 loaves and 2 fishes.” I’ve asked everyone I know to ask. I’ve tried several ways of raising the money. I’ve prayed very hard. I’ve left it alone and in God’s hands. I don’t know what the point of this test is, but I’m really getting frustrated.
Didn’t get to go to Mass today because of severe chest pain–I know it’s bad when I can’t “sleep it off,” and I just feel the pain while I sleep, and I wake up with it.
Last Sunday, even with my walker, I ended up crawling to Communion on my knees because I was feeling so bad.
At a homeschool dinner a few weeks ago, I delayed coming in at all because I was feeling so bad. Mary and the girls came in first. I finally started walking in on the walker, and couldn’t take it anymore, and collapsed on the floor and just started crawling on my knees.
My best friend came over and said, “Boy! I just said, ‘when’s John gonna come crawling in!’ I had no idea it was going to be literal!”
Everything else is going so well, so many prayers answered recently, but this van thing is such a heavy weight on us. Moving in October, and if it’s not fixed then we’ll have the added expense of a moving truck.
I e-mailed 1,000 priests and parish offices last Wednesday, saying, “if this e-mail just generated a couple dollars, I’d be funded,” asking them to forward my message to their parishioners, mention at Mass or something: the fund hasn’t increased by $1 since then.
I really don’t know what God wants of me in this trial, but I can’t take much more of the constant chest pain, without my wheelchair, and I don’t know how much longer I can literally survive with the strain I’m putting on my aorta.
I’m close to hopefully finally getting a full time teaching job, and I won’t even be able to do the job without my wheelchair. If I do get the job, and I have to pay for the van repair out of pocket, based upon the budget I’ve worked out, the soonest I’ll get my van back is May of next year, exactly a year after it broke down to begin with.
If I get this job, and I get my van fixed, it will be the last time I’ll need to ask for help. Finally, we’ll make enough money to not only scrape by but to pay off debt and get some savings.
After ten years of struggling and needing others’ help, we will finally be able to give something back: but we need to make it through this hurdle.