(“The real one, not the 2007 Bayformers,” as any TF fan with taste must now qualify):
1. The Universal Greeting, “Bah-weep-grahna-weep-ninny-bong,” (spelling up for debate) works every time.
2. Appeasement doesn’t work: If you give a Sharkticon your energon rations, he’s just going to eat you anyway.
3. “Megatron must be stopped, no matter the cost.”
4. “One shall stand; one shall fall.”
5. Leadership isn’t based upon worthiness but being in the right place at the right time.
6. When faced with a choice between two crises, just say, “I can’t deal with that now.”
7. “Experience lad, you should learn to appreciate it.” Or, any problem in life can be addressed by a metaphorical anecdote.
8. “I wasn’t worried for a microsecond.” “Then you probably didn’t understand the situation.”
9. “I’ve got better things to do tonight than die.”
10. Even when you’re innocent, they’ll still feed you to the Sharkticons. Thus,
11. “I have nothing but contempt for this court.”
12. The key to social reform is a giant T-Rex to scare the military into turning on its leaders.
13. Sometimes you have to “Act now, destroy Unicron. Kill the grand Pooh-Bah. Eliminate even the toughest stains.”
14. Life is more fun when “We talk TV. You talk some TV?”
15. When it comes time to “jettison some weight,” the sick and disabled are the first to go.
16. Before you think that nobody will follow an uncharismatic bore like Soundwave, consider these words: “Nobody calls Soundwave uncrasimatic! Let’s tick tailgate!”
17. Much of Galvatron’s dialogue is very helpful when dealing with chronic chest pain: “Unicron! Why have you tortured me?”
18. “One day, an Autobot shall rise from our ranks and use the power of the Matrix to light our darkest hour. Till that day. . . . Till all are one!”
19. In 20 minutes or so, you can have your entire toybox wiped out.
20. If you take power by throwing the previous leader out an airlock, there”s a good chance someone else will come along and kill you.
21. Never underestimate a giant talking planet that eats other planets.