Rudolph the Red-faced Catholic
Was embarrased by his faith
And when he talked abortion
He would lie right through his teeth.
All of the social conservatives
Used to laugh and call him names
They could see that ol’ Rudolph
Cheated on his wife with dames.
When disaster struck one day,
Rudy came to say,
“I’ll lead you in this sad event,
So I can run for president.”
Then all the war hawks loved him,
They would holler out with glee,
“Rudolph the Red-Faced Catholic,
We don’t care about babies!”